Monthly Archives: April 2012

Somebody should arrest the parents instead.

Here we go again. I’m certainly sorry that the kid got a concussion, but it was the result of a legal, clean hit in a hockey game. Injuries take place in sports, and as an athlete you agree to certain risks when you step onto the field of play. 

Even if the hit is a penalty, it’s a part of the game. In very rare circumstances, criminal prosecution could be necessary in cases of extreme violence far outside the scope of a sport. For example, if the opponent tried to slash the kid’s throat with his skate blade, then it could be argued that the conduct went from a part of the game to a criminal act. But a normal sports collision, whether or not it resulted in injury, can never be prosecuted as criminal.

But, of course, the parents don’t see it that way. Even though they signed the release forms to allow their kid to play hockey, they are running to the courts because of an injury he sustained. Undoubtedly, this is the first step of a lawsuit against anyone with money: the kid who made the hit, his parents, the school, the ice rink, the athletic association, and the Zamboni family itself for making that ice so darn hard!

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The only thing missing is the yellow police tape.

With lovely views like the ones pictured in the article (scroll down to #1), I have a hard time believing why anyone wouldn’t want to live in Detroit. And yet, home values are the lowest in the country. Go figure!

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They’re real, and they’re spectacular!

The missiles are real! DEAR SUPREME LEADER WOULD NEVER LIE TO US!!!!!

Now, can anybody help a brother out with some food? Thanks so much.

 

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The Sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.

Alternate title: “Is that a Titelist? It’s a hole in one.” This is pretty much a non-story, but it’s pretty hilarious given the blatant “Seinfeld” reference. 

On a completely unrelated note, I’m considering starting a one-man performance redoing some of the classic “Seinfeld” monologues. Those in the loop include the Marine Biologist and Kramer Driving the Bus with the Toe. I’ll keep you in the loop, and of course, force you to buy tickets if it ever comes to pass. 

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Somebody should have told him that “creative writing” refers to putting names on coffee cups.

In today’s version of “is this really news to anyone” we learn that 50% of recent college grads are unemployed or underemployed. Alternatively, the article could be entitled “some college majors are better than others.”

In this article, we learn of the employment struggles of recent graduates with art history, humanities, and philosophy degrees. To that, I say, “Um, Duh!” I could have told you that a bachelor’s degree in Philosophy isn’t going to lead to a plethora of job prospects. After all, when was the last time you saw an ad that said: “Help wanted: Philosopher to work in a busy philosophy shop.” Indeed, about the only thing you can do with a philosophy degree is ponder “Why” people want fries with that.

A college degree is a useful tool if you study the right subject. It’s not, however, a magic ticket to future riches. Shockingly, employers are looking for employees with useful skills, not just ones that made it through school. The real travesty here is that we’ve convinced students otherwise. They spend 4 years of their lives and go into massive debt to study something they “enjoy” but is ultimately irrelevant. The result is that we’ve got some of the best-educated, deepest-in-debt baristas in the world.

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/09/peta-seaworld-slavery-_n_1265014.html?ref=green

I’ve finally found another sane person in the world…this judge. 

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From now on, my name will be “Scratchin’ In the Morning.”

His name is Ron Artest. Calling him “Metta World Peace” is just enabling him. And people wonder why true sports fans think the NBA is a joke.

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