Monthly Archives: July 2012

So transparent.

Well, this is certainly a blatantly transparent way to keep playing the race card in this election. While I can’t blame Obama directly for this one, it’s clear that his allies are working to link him closer to slavery in the hopes of playing on the guilt of some current Americans.

What’s really interesting here is that the descendants of Obama’s relative Punch became wealthy landowners in Virginia, a slave-owning state. That means that Obama’s more recent relatives were almost assuredly slave-owners themselves. But of course, the headline “Obama Descended from First US Slave” is a lot more positive for his campaign than “Obama Descendants were Virginia Slave Owners.”

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In today’s irrelevant news, the seemingly week-long Opening Ceremony of the Olympics had to make some cuts for running too long. Apparently, the motorcycle jumpers failed to make the cut. Have no fear, though: the 70 sheep, 12 horses, 3 cows, 2 goats, 10 chickens, 10 ducks, 9 geese and 3 sheepdogs will be appearing as scheduled. No work on the partridge in a pear tree.  

The Olympic Opening ceremony is the biggest joke out there. Seriously, does anyone ever watch this travesty on the eyes? If I wanted to see lots of people from different countries walking around, I’d set up a lawn chair on a city street, not tune in to NBC. 

The ceremony itself is always ridiculously stupid. It’s created by some team of modern artists who create weird stuff in the hopes that it seems meaningful to the rest of the world (see the chickens, goats, and cows referenced above). The announcers always try to ham it up, too: “This shaved dog was painted purple and represents hundreds of years of tension between Great Britain and their former Colony the United States of America. Notice how the dog now eats a treat out of the hand of the late Apple computer CEO Steve Jobs (played by Steve Buscemi), symbolizing the two nations’ eventual harmony through modern commerce. Oh look, here comes the replica of the Crown Jewels made entirely of recycled popsicle sticks from schoolchildren all around England. Lovely!” 

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Just playing in Oakland is torture enough.

Let’s see how many Oakland A’s jokes I can make in 60 seconds: 

1. Let’s not be too hard on this guy. Remember, he works for the A’s. 

2. The A’s can’t do anything right. Even when they specifically try to lose, it still takes them a couple of innings. 

3. Maybe the major-league club should try letting some of those position players pitch. 

4. A year’s suspension from coaching the A’s is probably a blessing. 

5. In all seriousness, it’s nice to see a manager looking to take care of his players. Since this is the A’s, I’m sure these players eventual teams will appreciate the fact that the A’s organization took such good care of them. 

Ding! A minute has passed. Too bad, because I could go on and on. 

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