In today’s irrelevant news, the seemingly week-long Opening Ceremony of the Olympics had to make some cuts for running too long. Apparently, the motorcycle jumpers failed to make the cut. Have no fear, though: the 70 sheep, 12 horses, 3 cows, 2 goats, 10 chickens, 10 ducks, 9 geese and 3 sheepdogs will be appearing as scheduled. No work on the partridge in a pear tree.
The Olympic Opening ceremony is the biggest joke out there. Seriously, does anyone ever watch this travesty on the eyes? If I wanted to see lots of people from different countries walking around, I’d set up a lawn chair on a city street, not tune in to NBC.
The ceremony itself is always ridiculously stupid. It’s created by some team of modern artists who create weird stuff in the hopes that it seems meaningful to the rest of the world (see the chickens, goats, and cows referenced above). The announcers always try to ham it up, too: “This shaved dog was painted purple and represents hundreds of years of tension between Great Britain and their former Colony the United States of America. Notice how the dog now eats a treat out of the hand of the late Apple computer CEO Steve Jobs (played by Steve Buscemi), symbolizing the two nations’ eventual harmony through modern commerce. Oh look, here comes the replica of the Crown Jewels made entirely of recycled popsicle sticks from schoolchildren all around England. Lovely!”